A Candid Confession

I'm sitting here on the floor of my bedroom, laptop resting comfortably on my legs, while my brain dances and bends with a million different thoughts... all while a few tears escape the boundaries of my eyes and graze the sides of my cheeks. I feel so anxious and heavy-hearted that I can barely stand it. My heart is burdened with the realization of what is about to take place tomorrow...
Apart from two exams and 3 hours of lecture that I know will both require a vigiourous amount of writing, thinking, and recalling, tomorrow is the day I say my final goodbye to my late friend, Les. My day will go something like this: 2 tests, 3 hours of precise note-demanding lecture, a funeral, and then heading to my sister's house to help her with wedding planning and projects (her wedding of course, not mine). The fact that my friend's funeral is going to be thrown into the mix of several every-day, routine & light-hearted tasks is almost enough to make me sick to my stomach. How can a day be expected to carry on so simply while a person so dear has left the face of this earth forever? Of course with him being my friend I am more impacted by his death than people who didn't know him, but somehow I feel like I'm dishonoring him by simply going throughout my day before & after his funeral.
I've been grieving his death since the moment I heard the news. It was 10:15 a.m., I was sitting in my second & final class for the day when I received the text that Les had been in a motorcycle wreck on his way to teach at the Police Academy. An SUV pulled infront of him, apparently unaware that he was there, and they crashed...Les was talking on the way to the ER and everything...then simply died after they got there. When I read the text my body felt like it had been filled with lead. My professor also knew Les through when he taught him decades ago, and as I was sharing the news with him I couldn't keep the tears from streaming down my face. Each one that fell felt as if a piece of my heart was pierced with it. Everything within me wanted to scream that it couldn't be true, that there was no way that Les was gone forever...but he was.
I had just seen Les 4 days before. He came into Napolis to eat with his bestfriend of 32 years, Brian. I was the waitress that always served them, who they lovingly called "Princess", and who always made sure to bring cupcakes with when I went up to visit them at the Police Academy between the classes they taught. They both adopted me and I adopted them. They were my special buddies. Regardless of the day I was having, anytime Les & Brian decided to come see me, my world would get ten times better, everything suddenly seemed in proportion again, and I would laugh with them until I was out of breath. Very few people knew how to take the two; they had a chemistry that could only come after 32 years of brotherly friendship, and a comfort with quite vocally jokingly [although quite convincingly] fighting with each other that came along with it. But I did, and that was one of the things that made me love them so much.

Perhaps after writing this post and having a chance to put my thoughts down on paper (internet blog-paper aleast lol), things will make more sense in my head...but honestly, up until now things haven't. My whole life I've been taught that everything happens according to God's perfect plan, to trust in His perfect Will, and to accept His perfect Will because everything happens for a reason. In my heart of hearts, I know that there has to be a reason behind Les' death, that there has to be something beautiful that comes from it that wouldn't have otherwise. At this point the only thing I've come up with is that he was (I know for sure) an organ donor, so from his death a few people have an opportunity to live. And right now, I'm okay with stopping at that rationalization. This is difficult to admit, and followed with a sense of guilt, but I feel as if I don't have the faith to try to rationalize it anymore .
I wish I could say I was a super-faith Christian that was totally at peace with the fact that Les is gone forever, but to say that wouldn't actually represent what I'm feeling. I found out the other day that Les was involved in Church and ministry and from what I know, a Christian. So that does give me a little bit more peace to know that if he was indeed a Christian, he's now in a place of no more potential pain or suffering. But then I'm hit with the over-whelming questions of "Well, what was so bad here that he had to leave?", "He was such an amazing man who impacted so many people through educating multiple generations of Police officers, why would God choose to allow that to be cut short?" "Why would God allow Les to be taken from his wife, sons, daughter, and his bestfriend Brian?" Why, why, why? None of it makes sense, and honestly, I've stopped trying to make it make sense. Instead I'm being honest about my feelings and candidly confessing the fact that no, I'm not okay with his death, I'm not happy to try to understand the plan in this, and I am indeed having a difficult time mustering up the Faith to simply accept this.

Heal

Pretty little coverings
Over broken, shattered hearts,
Aches and pains covered in
Satin and Lace.
If we could pull away
The layers that hide
And allow ourselves to feel,
Then maybe we could find the
Answers we need
And allow ourselves to
Heal.

The Need For Sex Education

I was told to write a short persuasive essay and decided to go with a topic that I really haven't written much about before, but felt like sharing my opinion on.



Much controversy surrounds the comprehensive sex education vs. abstinence-only education debate. Some believe only comprehensive sex education should be taught to students because, in their opinion, abstinence-only education does not work since it fails to teach teens how to protect themselves if they choose to have sex. Others argue that abstinence-only education should be taught to students because it is the only method that teaches fail-safe pregnancy prevention as well as guaranteed STD protection (provided the student has made a commitment and choice to abstain from sex and are not forced to have sex against their will). I believe age appropriate, health-focused sex education should be taught alongside abstinence-only programs for several reasons. First, sex education does not solely promote sex, its goal is to promote protection and health. Secondly, sex education is not something that the students will use only in their teen and High School years, but in their adult (and even married) lives as well. Thirdly, sex education should be taught along with abstinence-only education because it is better for a student to be given the education and information that they need, and never have to apply it, than to not be given the proper information and make an uneducated or poor decision because of it.

Although some parents might complain that that if their teenage children were taught about sex that they would go wild and experiment with all kinds of sexual dangers, I know from personal experience that this broad assumption is not true for every teenager. Even though the school my parents decided they wanted their kids to go to is one whose curriculum is very strict about teaching abstinence-only education, I can honestly say that it is the sex
education that I received outside of the abstinence-only that placed the biggest deterrent on having sex. Having learned about the dangers of STDs, the risk of pregnancy, and also how to properly protect myself from both, has not only given me the empowerment and facts I need in order to be prepared, but also given me an incentive to wait to have sex. Not every aspect of sex is pretty, and teenagers need to be able to see those realities plainly through sex education. I am a virgin, and I can say that the sex education that I have received apart from my school’s abstinence-only teachings is largely to thank.
Another reason sex education should be taught is because sex education does not only benefit students when they are teenagers, the knowledge they gain can be carried and applied to their adult lives and even into marriage. Sex education can equip teens with the knowledge of how to properly use birth control when family planning after they are married. Many people
argue that teens don’t need sex education because they “shouldn’t be having sex as teenagers”, but logically, it is better for teens to be presented with information while they are young in case they do end up needing to put it into practical use before marriage, rather than waiting until the eve of their wedding to be told the process of sex, and truths and facts concerning it.

Finally, it is better to be prepared and never have to use the resources of your preparation, than to be unprepared and regret it. In one split second, a teenager who has made a decision to remain abstinent can change his or her mind, and it is better for them to have the knowledge of safe sex to fall back on than to be lacking and find themselves with an STD or pregnant. Yes, I don’t believe teenagers should be going around having sex, but I also know that when it comes down to it, the decision to have sex or to abstain is solely up to the individual. The decision is not up to the teenager’s teachers, Pastor, or even parents. While I don’t advocate teenagers going against their parents’ wishes for them to not have sex, in reality, I know it still happens. School systems can spend countless hours telling their students not to have sex, but if the teenager is
of legal age (which is 17 in my home state of Texas), and chooses to have sex , then abstinence-only education is not going to help or protect them at all.

If age appropriate, health focused sex education is presented to all students (abstinent or not) it can help equip them with the knowledge to make informed decisions and help protect themselves from the consequences that could have occurred had they not been given the information they needed. I am pro-abstinence, and very much so support abstinence-only
education; I just believe it necessary for students’ health that it to be presented along with comprehensive sex education as well.

It has been proven that abstinence during the teenage years benefits a young person the rest of their lives, and abstinence-only education can be a great tool for letting that be known. Even Planned Parenthood, who is a vehement supporter of teens engaging in and experimenting
with sex, as stated on their website, lists several benefits of remaining abstinent- including a decreased risk of infertility from STDs and cervical cancer. If we can educate teenagers on how to protect themselves through abstinence and safe sex for those who choose to be sexually active, then we can help decrease the number of teens contracting STDs and becoming pregnant. I firmly believe that teaching effective protection and birth control is the most responsible action educators can take. I believe each individual has a duty to be responsible, and being responsible involves making informed decisions, helping others make informed decisions, and being honest about the facts and consequences of those decisions.
Students deserve to be presented with both abstinence-only education along with age appropriate sex education as well. If both are presented together they can help fill in the gaps in education that each one on their own would leave empty. Teaching sex education does not mean
that you are trying to promote sex and it can definitely help save teenagers from pitfalls in the road ahead of them. It is better to educate teenagers now on how to be responsible and knowledgeable when it comes to sex, rather than after they experience the life-long consequences of ignorance.

An Interesting Dialogue

Professor : You are a Christian, aren’t you, son?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, you believe in GOD ?

Student : Absolutely, sir.

Professor : Is GOD good ?...

Student : Sure.

Professor: Is GOD all powerful ?

Student : Yes.

Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

(Student was silent.)

Professor: You can’t answer, can you ? Let’s start again, young fella. Is GOD good?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Is satan good ?

Student : No.

Professor: Where does satan come from ?

Student : From … GOD …

Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?

Student :Yes

Professor: So who created evil ?

(Student did not answer.)

Professor: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, who created them ?

(Student had no answer.)

Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD?

Student : No, sir.

Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?

Student : No , sir.

Professor: Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smell your GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?

Student : No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.

Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student : Yes.

Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.

Professor: Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has.

Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Professor: Yes.

Student : And is there such a thing as cold?

Professor: Yes.

Student : No, sir. There isn’t.

(The lecture theatre became very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There was pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)

Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?

Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?

Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man ?

Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Professor: Flawed ? Can you explain how?

Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Professor: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.)

Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor. Are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

(The class was in uproar.)

Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?

(The class broke out into laughter. )

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.

Student : That is it sir … Exactly ! The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving.

The Day I Lost My Best Friend

As I drifted off to sleep, I was jolted back to consciousness by the glowing blue-white light from
my cellphone’s screen illuminating my dark bedroom. Picking up my phone, my
heart felt a twinge of excitement as I read the screen: “One New Message from
Cameron Blake*.” My closest, dearest friend had sent me a message.
I shook the last remnants of sleep from my mind and clicked on my message icon.
I blinked sharply and tried to focus my vision- hoping it was just my
drowsiness causing me to read his message wrong. But it wasn’t. My heart began
to race as I re-read his message from the first letter to the last: “I’ve
realized I’m still crazy over Kelli*…” A warm flush of blood ran through my
whole body, and my previously racing heart seemed to freeze to a complete halt.
With those few words came the heart-wrenching realization that I was about to
lose my Cameron, my best friend.
Feeling a sense of panic, I asked him if we could meet
somewhere and talk. We decided to meet at Denny’s the next night after we each
got off work. The following day seemed to drag on. I was so anxious to talk to
him that I almost felt ill. My heart knew what was coming, but the hopeful part
of me was determined to cling to the belief that I knew Cameron better. Eventually
9:30 p.m. sauntered by. In a haze of emotion I found myself in the Denny’s
parking lot wishing I was anywhere but there. Walking through the doors of the
restaurant, I wondered how a place Cameron and I had been so many times together could
suddenly feel so intimidating. I used to love eating there with him; we would
sit and talk for hours while munching on our favorite breakfast foods. But this
time the sweet smell of pancakes and the sizzling sound of eggs being cooked in
the kitchen did nothing but turn my stomach sick. We sat in a booth positioned
by a table of three joking, playful college students and for a moment I envied
their light-heartedness.
After a couple minutes of strained small talk Cameron asked
what it was I wanted to talk about. “Are you sure you want to get back in a
relationship with her?” I tried to hide the pleading tone in my voice. Holding
my cold glass of barely sipped pineapple mango smoothie, I braced myself for
the answer. I felt scared and helpless to do anything but listen for the answer
that would determine the fate of our relationship. “I really think I do,” he
quietly answered. I wanted so badly to grab his hand and ask, “But what about us? You told me that you love me, and I love you too! Why can’t it be you and me
forever?” Instead I hid the tears welling up in my eyes and masked my pain with
a supportive smile. With watery eyes, I told him that I would always support
him choosing whatever made him the happiest. He explained to me that this
didn’t mean that he was “losing” me, but rather a way he could “keep me
forever.” All of it sounded nice, but my heart knew everything about our
relationship was about to change- everything that made it so unique and
wonderful.
I knew this meant no more late night drives alone simply
spent enjoying the other’s company, and the warmth, stability, and security I
no longer felt at home. No more sweet, innocent cuddling during the movies we
would go see together. And no more long hugs that magically made every stress
and fear in the world slowly fade away. His arms were the safest place on Earth
to me, and to know I had just lost that was enough to bring on a flood of
emotions and an aching sense of loss. After spending eleven months helping him
heal from the pain of his past breakup, he was severing the potential for us to
be “officially” a couple, and returning to the person he told me numerous times
had hurt him so badly.
“Is that all you wanted to talk about?” he asked inquisitively. I was snapped back to reality and pulled away from my thoughts with his question. I mustered up all my remaining strength and forced a weak smile. “Yeah, that was all,” I numbly replied. But the truth was that I wanted
to say so much more. I left Denny’s feeling like I still had a million and one
things I wanted to say, but had frozen from the fear of pouring my heart out
only to be misunderstood. As I pulled out of the parking lot, the tears I had
fought so fiercely to hold back came spilling over. I could barely contain my
crying, and after a few short minutes I didn’t even try. My sobs echoed through
the hollow corridor of my heart and reverberated the emptiness I felt inside…I
had lost my best friend whom I had fallen in love with.

Abortion: Is it Ever Morally Acceptable?

There have been few issues as fiercely debated as the issue of abortion. Some view it
simply as an issue of the choice of whether a woman should be able to choose if she
would like to continue a pregnancy to term, or end it. But others view it as a
right-to-life issue, and that no person should have the legal “right” to choose
to take a life of another human being like having an abortion takes the life of
an unborn baby. Scientific advances have proven that unborn babies are truly
alive. For example, an unborn baby’s heart starts to beat at 23 days after
conception, and brain waves can be detected at merely 40 days after conception.
A new individual’s life is present inside the womb, and therefore I believe it
should be illegal to have a procedure done to end that life. The right to make
a “choice” should not over-power the right an individual has to continue their
life- regardless of how young that life is. Abortion takes a life and
disregards that fundamental right to “Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of
Happiness” that is given in the Declaration of Independence. All other “rights”
become worthless without the right to life. Nothing should justify taking an
innocent life. Even in cases of rape and incest, abortion is wrong because it
ends the life of a tiny human being.
The issue of abortion is so complex because there is a broad range of emotions and opinions associated with it, compounded with the lack of education concerning it. Because the subject is
sometimes considered social taboo, a portion of the population that support
abortion do so not because they have heard facts, but because slogans like “My
body, my choice” appeals to the “No one is in control of me” mentality that
many people tend to gravitate towards. Unfortunately, this logic has led to
many abortion supporters who are unaware of what they are truly supporting and
fighting for. Because they have not been supplied facts like these: the unborn
baby has a heartbeat, the unborn baby has brain waves, its own blood type, DNA, etc., when they hear “My body, my choice” they aren’t aware that it’s not just the mother’s body that an abortion effects.

It’s interesting to note the stories of people who have dramatically changed their
position on abortion after simply being told facts about the developing baby
and being informed about what actually takes place during an abortion procedure
and how graphic and disturbing it is. Hearing the truth and facts can bring to
light that the real “choice” they are fighting for is a woman’s choice to
murder her unborn child. Abby Johnson, the Director of Texas Planned Parenthood
(a major abortion provider), resigned after seeing an ultrasound video of a
baby being killed by abortion. She is a prime example of how many people support
abortion because they have not seen the facts that would convince them to do
otherwise. Former abortionists have quit their jobs after coming to the
realization that the tiny arms, legs, feet, and hands that they were ripping
out from the mother’s womb belonged to a tiny human being. Abortion advocate
and President of the National Coalition of Abortion Providers, Ron Fitzsimmons,
admits that “It [abortion] is a form of killing. You’re ending a life.” If
abortionists themselves recognize that abortion ends an innocent life, it would suggest that abortion
deserves to be looked at closely before supporting a woman’s legal “right” to
it.

Surprisingly, even some people who say that they oppose abortion, because they know that it takes a life, support it and see it acceptable in cases of rape and incest. This brings to question
why a baby conceived by rape or incest would deserve less of a right to live
than a baby conceived through a healthy love for two people. If we have
determined that the unborn baby is indeed alive, then it is a LIFE regardless
of how it was brought into existence. The rapist/ baby’s father’s action that
was the cause of the baby’s conception was an act of violence, but it is the rapist
who should be punished for his actions, not the baby created as a result of
them. Sadly, oftentimes it is the rapist that gets punished with jail time and
gets to go free but his baby who receives the death penalty.
Some would argue that making a woman carry her rapist’s baby to term would be cruel and that abortion would simply end the trauma that the woman is experiencing, but it is important to look at statistics and what women who aborted after rape had to say about it. Many of
them said that they felt a compounded guilt and shame because even though the
rape was not their fault, they perpetuated the violence that they experienced
by killing their unborn baby. Jackie tells her story in the book Aborted Women, Silent No More: “I soon discovered that the aftermath of my abortion continued a long time after the
memory of my rape had faded. I felt empty and horrible. Nobody told me about
the pain I would feel deep within causing nightmares and deep depressions. They
had all told me that after the abortion I could continue my life as if nothing
had happened.” It is necessary to recognize the fact that abortion is often
times extremely traumatic for anyone, especially sexual assault victims, and is
not the solution that the wounded, scared woman deserves. She deserves better
than abortion, better than being told to kill her own child in response to the
pain that someone else caused her. Society’s answer to women who are facing
unplanned pregnancies due to rape or incest should not be to pressure them into
having an abortion, but rather to support them and help them find healing and a
sense of redemption from their pain with a new life that they can nurture.

It is important to realize that we are surrounded by people every day that are here because they were conceived by rape, and they are individuals who deserve life just as much as someone whose
birth was planned. Rebecca Wasser-Kiessling put it very clearly when she said,
“I believe that God rewarded my birth mother for the suffering she endured, and
that I am a gift to her. The serial rapist is not my creator; God is.” Similarly,
Julie Makimaa, who was conceived as a result of rape said, “It doesn't matter
how I began. What matters is who I will become.” These two women are examples
of the fact that babies conceived by rape or incest are just like the rest of
us: they deserve the right to life.
All life is precious, regardless of its beginning, and it deserves to be protected and defended even when it is still in the womb. No situation should justify taking an innocent life via
abortion, even in cases of rape and incest. It is important to educate
ourselves and our friends about the effects and truths about abortion so that
we can be better equipped to defend life and take a stand for those who do not
have a voice, as well as protect women from making a choice that could haunt
them the rest of their lives. True care and compassion considers both the life
of the mother and the unborn baby involved and loves and defends them both.

Memory

I feel the cold sand between my toes
I am standing on the shore.
I know where I am,
I've been here before.
~
I can see the foamy blue waves in the distance, rolling in.
The sky is clear and my heart is prepared.
Your memory
Like a wave
Is about to greet me.
~
I sigh in expectation-
The waves have come before.
Each time they hit, they fill the crevices
Now empty
Then wash back away from shore.
~
I hear the soft breeze as it blows through my hair.
The salty sea mist finds a place on my face
And is joined by the teardrops dancing down my cheek.
~
But my heart is at peace,
For I've learned to appreciate the waves.
I hold my breath
As the first wave crashes against my heart
I hear your soft whisper
And feel
Your warm embrace.
But I ache because I know
It is only a wave...
~
For an instant it is as if you were with me
Again
Holding me tight.
~
I wish you could stay...
~
But as soon as it hits, it rolls
Back to sea...
And I wait
Until the next time your memory greets me

Because I can hardly sit still....

I'm sitting here, desperately needing to find a way to express, and deal with, how I am feeling right now. I'm having such a mix of emotions as I think of what is about to take place tomorrow....and frankly, I'm scared, excited, nervous, and feel sick over what I know I need to do. I'm meeting with someone who I had, in the past, been very closely connected to. Things went down hill, and we stopped communicating...but it's hard to just do that when the other person still holds part of your heart, and you're finding it hard to recover.
There was never any real closure to the situation that occurred, and now I feel like I MUST find some immediately or I will literally be heart sick anytime I think of what was once there. The whole process has been pretty crazy...things got cut off, but with no real explanation... I heard from several people down the line things that person had expressed to them about the situation, but I was never told anything personally...which I think would have helped to provide the closure that ended up not coming about. I just know that I need to find that closure to completely heal from the pain of what took place, and to do so, talking to them is something that MUST happen. Sometimes you just need the closure that comes with knowing you said everythinggg that you needed to.
So, now the plan is to meet at Starbucks tomorrow and talk. I'm praying for peace as I go over what I feel I need to express, and also praying that they don't back out of meeting me there lol I am waiting in anxious anticipation......
I'm finding it hard to sit down, though, and wait for 11:30 am tomorrow morning to roll around!

Release

Fingers Clinched

I feel the thorns pierce my hand

Tearing my skin

And my heart

Blood trickles down my finger tips

Like crimson tears the drops fall in a rhythmic pattern to the floor

Still grasping the source of pain

I am afraid to let go...

My hand is sore

But my heart refuses to release

I hold even tighter,

And winch as the thorns are driven deeper

Caught in this Battle with my heart

My grip remains

As the blood continues to fall to the floor,

I hear you whisper in my ear

"Let Go"

Afraid of the wound that would be left exposed,

I am tempted to strengthen my grip once more

With the gentleness of a loving Father,

You ask me to release it into Your hand.

Your voice is one of comfort and assurance

That fills me with the strength I need.

Slowly, I open my hand, release....

And my wound begins to heal

David Wilkerson- The Battle Is the LORD's

My friend sent me this devotional by David Wilkerson a couple days ago.. I began to read it and nearly started to cry. It's soooo encouraging!!! and was exactly what I needed to to read that very day. Because it is so good I wanted to post it for you guys. Enjoy :)))


The reason I am writing this is to remind you the battle you are facing is not yours, but God’s. If you are a child of his, you can be certain that Satan will “rage against you.”

In 2 Chronicles 20, a great multitude came against God’s people. King Jehoshaphat and his people set their hearts to seek the Lord and to fast. The king cried out to God a prayer that most of us have prayed at times in our spiritual journey: “We have no might against these that come against us, neither do we know what to do; but our eyes are upon you” (20:12). “The Spirit of God came in the midst of the congregation…saying, Be not afraid nor dismayed…for the battle is not yours, but God’s (20:14-15).

Isaiah gave this warning to all satanic forces: “Who have you reproached and blasphemed? And against whom have you exalted your voice?... Even against the Holy One of Israel” (Isaiah 37:23).

God told his people Israel, and he tells us today: “The battle is not against you. It is Satan’s rage against me, the Lord who abides in you.” God said to Satan, “I know where you abide, and where you come and go, and your rage against me” (37:28).

I ask you: where is your battle? In your marriage? Your business or job? Your finances? Your health? Does your battle get more intense day after day? If you have a heart for Jesus and a desire to cleave to him, you will face the rage of hell. But that is still not your battle.

You can end your battle quickly if you choose – simply by quitting and giving in to your fears and doubts. Satan will not bother those who give up their confidence in the Lord.

Yes, the battle is the Lord’s, but we have a part – and that is to trust and believe his promises in the face of hopelessness and what seem to be impossibilities. “Why sayest thou, O Jacob, and speakest, O Israel, My way is hid from the Lord, and my judgment is passed over from my God?” (Isaiah 40:27).

Faith demands that I turn over all my problems – all my critical situations, all my fears, all my anxieties – into the hand of the Lord. When I have done all I can do, and I know my battle is beyond my power, I must submit all into his hands.

Our Lord knows the raging of Satan, and we must truly believe he will act. He will bring us through floods and fires and put to chase all spiritual enemies. Here is God’s Word concerning what he will do: “Because of your rage against me…it has come into my ears, therefore I will put a hook in your nose, and my bridle in your lips, and I will turn you back by the way you came” (Isaiah 37:29).

If you will hold fast to your faith – trusting him, resting in his promises, rejecting all lies of Satan coming into your mind – then expect God to come by his Spirit into your situation and bring an expected end to your particular battle. He will move heaven and earth to deliver you and make a way. The way out is to trust, trust, trust! “He makes wars to cease” (Psalm 46:9).

Nothing to Say...

Wow, I haven't posted in a while...it's really not that I have nothing to say, it's that sooooooooo much is going on and it's all too much for me to write about...so I guess the problem is that i have too much to say lol ;)

Right now I am currently wondering if my life could change any more and if there is anything left to be reveal as being different than how I once perceived it.

I know that we all go through times of testing and refinement...this is one of those times. I was listening to one of my favorite band's songs and I had a revelation of just how true the lyrics were. They speak of how when storms come and the rain falls we are washed by the water; the same water that seems to pierce us, pounds against our backs, and makes us wonder if we will ever see the Light, is the same water that refines us, and makes us stronger. It is painful and we wonder when the pounding will end...but when it does, we find our faith stronger and our hearts even more dependent on Christ's strength.

the following are the lyrics to the song i was referring to (Washed By the Water by Needtobreathe):

Daddy was a preacher

She was his wife

Just tryin to make the world a little better

You know, shine a light

People started talking

Just to hear their own voice

Those people tried to accuse my father

Said he made the wrong choice

Though it might be painful

You know that time will always tell

Those people have long since gone

My father never failed

Even when the rain falls

Even when the flood starts rising

Even when the storm comes

I am washed by the water

Even when the Earth crumbles under my feet

Even when the ones I love turn around and crucify me

I won’t never ever let you down

I won’t fall

I won’t fall

I won’t fall as long as you’re around me

Even when the rain falls

Even when the flood starts rising

Even when the storm comes I am washed by the water

Kinda interesting just how much this song fits my life- even down to the whole "Daddy was a preacher" part lol